My Roommmate Poem by Shankaran Kutty

In my bachelor days I had a friend who I swear was such a bore
In the nights he would keep me awake so loud would be his snore
When I go to the corner shop each day, his demands would be many
But if I ask him for the money, indeed he wouldn't have any

He had never seen inside the kitchen, wouldn't keep the water to boil
And I am sure he had no clue between phenyl and coconut oil
And when each morning the bread I toast, somehow he would know
Rush in and have it and shamelessly declare, "I am in a hurry bro"

If there is one thing that he loved to do, that would be to eat
But to take a glass of water even, he wouldn't lift off the seat
He would groan and swear all the way for his own plate to clean
His room was by far the dirtiest one, in my life I have seen

When I plonk on the sofa, dead tired at night
The TV remote would be nowhere in sight
For he would be watching world's blandest fare
And wouldn't give me the remote even when I glare

And so one day I mustered courage as much as I can
Told him we need to speak, like a man to a man
Like one got lost in Sahara, I was so desperate you see
I promised him juicy nuggets, from the near by KFC.

I told him - Dear friend, listen you are my room mate
But to suffer you life long shall not be my fate
We shall make out life together a more interesting fare
Our work and the cost, we shall equally share

You will cut the vegetables and shall cut them real small
Shall not leave your socks smelly on the floor of the hall
The TV remote is there for a reason you see
To watch TV programs for both you and me

He looked at me with a smile so sweet and sexy
And said "Bro, can you get me one more Pepsi! ! "
I wished they served poison in white Styrofoam cup
Or the earth would split open and gobble me up

Next day I returned home to find something quaint
The house was so clean that I almost did faint
It took some time to realize, my brain worked so slow
That nowhere in that house, was to be seen my dear "Bro"

A week went by before I knew it wasn't a dream
The Gods had answered my prayers, so did it seem
Two weeks went by before I got an email
He said he had got hitched to a pretty female.

He told me of the dowry the girl would bring
"Gandhi" notes in a suitcase, for this useless thing
I wondered if her parents were really so desperate
To fling their daughter into this horrible fate

The marriage was fixed, just a week away
But I decided I won't go, come what may
It was a time to celebrate, with a scotch no less
My nightmare had left me, without much fuss

Where he is now, I really have no clue
I don't care if he is in Timbuctoo
Losing this ‘friend', I ain't no sad
That he has gone away, I am so glad