My Silent Struggle Poem by Lizelle 'Leasel' Martins

I just can’t seem to get away
After all these years
After everything I have been through
I always find myself here
I can’t take it.....

It feels like I am being crushed down
My breath of air stolen from me
My heart all crushed
My body all weak
All the life in me
Just stolen

I wish you could understand
Understand me
Why I am the way I am
I guess it is my illusion...
Cause I don’t think you ever will...?

I didn’t ask to feel like this
I fought against it
I am still fighting
I hate the fact that I love you
I hate the fact that I can’t stop thinking about you
I hate it that when I’m sad...
You’re the first person wanna I call
I hate it that when I am happy...
You’re the first person I wanna call
I hate the fact that my heart won’t stop loving you
I hate the fact that you made me love you

I hate that the walls that I have build
Around my heart
Around me
The walls that I thought would shield me from all this
Are crumbling down
I see them everyday...as they fall...
Leaving me all naked and bare

Of all the people I know
Or even never met
Why you
I hate the fact that I hate myself
For feeling
And loving you

(c) Lizelle 'Leasel' Martins