Nick Everything - Delicious Silica Gel Poem by Nick Everything

As i sit in my room on a saturday with nothing to do,
I look to my nightstand, and see a packet of silica gel of blue

So I think to myself 'What would happen if i ate it? Would i die? '
So I did and quickly found that it tasted like a french fry
That's probably because I seasoned it with red dye 45
And after I ate it I was thankfully still alive

But not for long.

I started having hallucinations, i thought i was King Kong
I started smashing all my belongings trying to prolong
The very little time i had left to this song
When i left my house i thought i saw Ronald McDonald hitting a bong
And I thought 'My god man, that's pretty wrong'

So i got arrested at a 7-Eleven for aggravated assault and public indecency
I thought 'you only live once, gotta live it to the fullest' you see
A cop tried plant weed on me to prolong my sentencing
But i was in Cali at the time and you could own weed legally
And i was also in Cali at the time for a Metal festival so he almost got away with his meddling

The festival wasn't for the music, it was for literal metals
Copper, iron, aluminum, zinc, sodium, potassium, rubidium, cesium, francium, beryllium, magnesium, calcium, strontium, barium, radium and others

But that's beside the point

So i told the cop what happened and how i ate silica gel
And how my stomach felt like it was transported straight to hell
So he took me to Hospital to get treated for my poisoning
And i met a doctor there named Belle

After the operation was over, i was back to my old self
No more king kong, no longer the biggest bird
As i looked toward the room's window, i saw and heard
Some McDonalds french fries flying like a bird.

That was when i realized them telling me this was a hospital was total bull
Because i'd been trafficked to a small village just north of Istanbul
The fact that they lied to me is pretty cruel
Because i still had to pay $374,967.84 in medical fees
And they were probably gonna lock me in a basement and force me to play Yahtzee


So i jumped out the window trying to escape
And somehow managed to land without even a scrape
Which is pretty strange since it was hard concrete
I think that the silica gel might've given me superpowers
Then i tried to sneak off the property, being discrete

But just as i thought i had made my escape,
A guard saw me that looked like a character from oldschool runescape
So i leaped over the fence and ran with a flash
And burst into Camlica Supermarket where I fell face first in one of the isles.

As i pulled myself ups, i heard the pitter-patter
Of the men who kidnapped me running to me faster
I stood there thinking how to get out of dodge
Before the store turned into a shooting lodge

So i looked up to a sign to see what aisle i was in
And sure enough it was the asian foods section
So i scrambled through the shelves in an attempt to find
Something that previously made me lose my mind

I looked and i looked, the clock slowly ticking
The prospect of what might happen to me was sickening
After a minute of searching, i finally found it
In all of its glory, a seaweed packet

But the seaweed was not the treasure i wanted,
For it was the packet of silica gel inside of it
So i tore open the package hurrying to get
The wonderful, tasty silica gel packet

Just as i get it from the back of the nori,
4 of the men surround fully me
They're holding guns and looking at me menacingly
But i ate the packet before they could do any more harm to me

Right as i eat it, i see a bright flash
And find myself in an unfamiliar, sterile room
Two men in lab coats come to me
And say 'Congratulations. You've escaped the simulation.'

In this moment was when i realized
My memories, experiences,
friends and family,
were all just a lie

But i was alive

And as i sat outside the facility
Watching the sea
I look into the distance and see
McDonalds french fries looking back at me

The french fries had a plan.