Pretended Not To Care 1955 Poem by Terry Collett

Benny and Helen
got off the bus
at Camberwell Green,
and Benny showed her the shops,
and they looked around;
he at the toy shops
looking at guns and holsters,
and rifles with pictures
of cowboys on the packet,
and she at dolls and prams,
and skipping ropes;
then he showed her
the hospital where he was born
which was a way further along
a long road.

That's where I was born,
he said, showing her the hospital,
pointing it out.

Why were you born there,
and not Guy's hospital?
Helen said.

Because my mum lived
in Dulwich then,
and not the Elephant,
Benny said.

O I see,
said Helen, wide-eyed
through her thick lens spectacles.

I was born in Guy's hospital,
Helen said.

They stood watching for a while,
then they walked back
to the shops again,
and found a cafe,
and went in,
and Benny bought them both
ice creams, and they walked
to Camberwell Park,
and sat on one of the seats,
and ate their ice creams.

I was in another hospital
when I was about 6 weeks old,
Benny said.

Why was that?
Helen said.

I had a twisted gut,
Benny said,
and nearly died.

Helen gazed at him:
her eyes big and shocked.
Did you?
she said.

Yes I was baptised
in the hospital,
and my aunt,
and some medical staff
were my godparents,
Benny said.

Glad you didn't die,
she said.

Me too,
Benny said,
couldn't have bought
these ice creams then,
or be sitting here with you.

And I wouldn't be here,
because Mum would
never let me come
this far on my own,
and then I wouldn't
have seen it,
or the hospital
where you were born,
Helen said.

They sat in the park
and ate their ice creams,
and then Benny showed her
the cinema he came
to sometimes,
a real fleapit,
he said,
but they show good films.

Can I come with you next time?
she said,
if Mum'll let me.

Sure you can,
Benny said.

She kissed him
on the cheek,
and he hoped that no boys
from school saw the kiss
in case they thought
him a cissy,
but it was a good kiss
he supposed,
as far as he knew.

But what was a 7 year old
boy, having been kissed
by a 7 year old girl, to do?

He pretended it wasn't there,
and pretended not to care.