Retail Dogs - (Belittling Bosses Who Deserve To Get Their Teeth Knocked Out) Poem by Kevin Patrick

My boss came down from Ottawa
And said to me in patent awe
Calculated by her reprove
Insuring my full approval

That I am -

'An amazing employee, you really, really are,
And because of your fine contribution,
As a tenant to our establishment
We've decided to reward you
By increasing your working hours
And as a special conciliation
(Much to our jubilation)
We're going to do this just for free
So you won't have to worry
About an increase in your wages
I hope this makes you happy
As it does for all of us
Because we've thought about this
(And unlike my husband) Long and really hard
Your part of our family - in other words a slave
So why would you struggle when we put you in a cage?


Now that Jeannette has a tumor
We won't even bother to recruit
I have confidence in your abilities
(Just as long as there's no liability)
That you can to the work of two men
With just the resources of one man
It will toughen you and make you strong
Multitasking for the long hauls
It will teach you to have patience
And practice good restraint
Just remember _
The customer's right and you are wrong
The customer's right and you are wrong
But why did you give that person a discount?
Anyways I'm so glad you're going to stay
Just don't become sick and everything will be ok'


She smiles and goes on her merry way
Leaving me to resume my inevitable decay
Marking up and Marking down
A life time spent on making cheap discounts
Risking nothing but duty to a hated job
No action or passion just forever grinding on


But hey maybe I'll get this weekend off