Royal Bedding Song Poem by Mary Champion

1996
Randy Andy found his Koo-ka-choo,
but she'd appeared starkers, so she wouldn't do.
Blue blood is an asset for one.
Blue movies are simply not done.

I don't give a damn who he screws
but the popular press think it's news.

So mater and pater said ‘No! '.
Reluctantly Andy let go.
A princess has got to be clean.
Can't have her polluting the queen.

Randy Andy ran rampant and laid
legions of ladies, who thought they were made,
wth seats on the Royal Gravy Train.
But they'd all surrendered in vain.

A prince may play games in the sewer;
Princesses must still remain pure.

So mater and pater said, ‘No! '
Reluctantly Andy let go.
‘There's no dog that will darken these doors.'
Unless she's a corgi. Of course!

Randy Andy is handsome and rich;
a hound in search of a champion bitch
who'll improve on the pedigree line
and breed him a winner each time.
He trotted around to Sloane Square
to sniff out the talent round there.
And mater and pater agreed
that this one was just what he'd need.

Since one can't find a Corgi to wed,
one can marry a Fergie instead.