Rookie - 0 Points (Siliguri, West Bengal, India)

Separation - Poem by RONY PATRA

Among fallen hopes and broken dreams
Where happiness falls like concrete beams
Distances widen, lives collide
Sadness often doesn’t get a place to hide

Everyone goes away, every person leaves
For the unknown, to see what Destiny weaves
Ideals are shattered, fate turn bleak
All before you get a chance to speak

Child leaves home in search of a new life
Relationships crumble in times of strife
Lives turn haywire, prudence spins out of control
As the Maker observes all through Fate’s keyhole

Separation is the name of this odd game
Which brings both fame and shame
Lefts and rights are traversed by “splitting” pain
Like a sullen river meandering through a plain

None can escape Life’s unending lawlessness
And the manifestation of our roots’ restlessness
Some dreams will meet, others will separate
On this basis will weird Earth operate

Comments about Separation by RONY PATRA

  • Prashant Shaurya (12/29/2009 1:06:00 AM)

    some dreams will meet, others will separate
    n this basis will weird earth operate..
    beautiful poem Rony..
    i liked the stanzas..
    you write with a very clear vision..
    and the poem shows it all..
    but i felt that the last line of the first stanza was out of rhythm..
    you check it, the first stanza has 9 syllables,2nd has 9 3rd has 8 but 4th has 11..
    yu shuld rather follow a rhythm scheme evenly so it huld have been 9 9 8 9
    check out the other stanzas to..
    because a perfect rhyme and rhythm makes your poem more audible and the recitation sounds musical..
    hope you forgive me for this brother..
    (Report) Reply

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Poem Submitted: Sunday, December 27, 2009

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