Slatternhouse Poem by Kevin Eaglesfield

You can't be seen like that.
What will people think?
Is that old paint round your windows?
(Which haven't been cleaned, by the way)
And look at the state of your path.
Your hedges look like they've been
Dragged through a hedge backwards,
And I'm sure the postman doesn't appreciate
Having to support your
Trollop of a drunken gate every morning.
This is a decent street,
Not some malodorous slum.
Now get that ivy cut,
Birds could nest in that,
And you could grow potatoes,
There's that much dirt round the sides.
And, while we're on the subject,
Those shutters are far too small
And show far too much.
Don't pout your scarlet door
And bat those sky-blue curtains.
A harlot's not a home.
Shame on you.
You're grounded.