Some Schmuck. Poem by Terry Collett

She was sitting there
at the bar. Max saw her,
and wandered over to her
and said: can I buy you

a drink? I don't know, can
you? She said. He smiled,
may I buy you a drink?
He said. Depends what

you want in return for
the drink, she said. He stood
next to her. She had light
brown hair, blue dress and

blue eyes. Just a drink, no
strings, he said (although in
his head was an idea of maybe
her in his bed) . Why would

you want to buy me a drink?
She said eyeing him in his
brown suit and hat. Just being
nice, can't a guy be nice?

He said. She stared at him
and said: a gin with ice would
be nice. Max called the bar-keep
and the bar-keep came over

and stood eyeing him. What
can I get you? A scotch on
the rocks for me and a gin
and ice for the dame, Max said.

The bar-keep walked off in
a slow walk. Sit down, the dame
said, you are too tall to stand.
Max got a stool and sat beside her.

Smoke? He asked. Only if I
walk too fast, she said. He smiled.
Ok, would you like a cigarette?
That'd be nice, she said. He took

out two cigarettes from a pack
and offered her one and one for
himself and lit both. You new?
He asked, haven't seen you around.

No, not new, I've been around
a few years, she said. He sighed.
Are you new around here? Yes,
I usually frequent a posher kind

of bar, but I'm short of dough,
she said. She inhaled deeply
eyeing him. He looked her over.
Nice legs, he mused. She had

them one crossed over the other,
nice blue dress, low cut. Then
the bar-keep brought the drinks
and Max paid him. The bar-keep

wandered off to the other end
of the bar. Thanks for the booze,
she said. My pleasure, he said.
Why your pleasure? She said,

blowing out a line of smoke,
I'm the one going to drink it.
Max sipped his drink. I meant
my pleasure to buy you a drink,

he said. She looked at him deeply.
You come here often? She said.
Most nights, he said, you alone?
No, she said I'm with you. He

smiled, is anyone apart from me
here with you tonight? He said.
Look Max, she said, I'm your
wife for Christ's-sake, can we not

play this fool game every night?
Max shrugged his broad shoulders.
Ok, Honey, just makes the night
go with a kick, and gives me a thrill

that I can pull a dame still. She
shook her head, wished she was
with some other schmuck instead.