Strong Sigh Poem by Andrus Cassian

Hello again old friend
Hello again dear safe haven
Welcome me with open arms, please
Welcome me with comfy company
I need your presence more than ever, I need your unbiased listening
I need your ears to embrace my fears
take them from my lips, shoot them from the hip to the ocean floor
for by my attention, by my description I have much to alleviate
I have much to cultivate from this tree of bitter fruit from my chest
I try not to consume the sour spurned piece of consumption but forgive my ignorant indulgences
I am a very weak soul
the theme of my current frame of mind
A harmless quip, a pun if you will has now become my crutch
a meaningless excuse I bring forth
to the forefront of my voice
for it's the only thing to make sense
from this inherent lack of substance
I crave intellectual stimulation
I need something new, something challenging
This vibrant, complex needs a cryptic puzzle
another stranger to sink into, some sort of drama
some sort of never ending strife or happiness
to sink barred teeth into
something to sink like quicksand into a substantial something
Something, something
What in the world is missing
What am I not seeing, what am I not seeking
Is this why I'm not succeeding
Is this why I'm falling, is this why I'm failing
Dear friend, pick me back up
Don't let me down again
Don't tell me I'm a loser, don't tell me I'm a failure
Don't tell me I've been defeated
Tell me I'm immortal, a champion, a demigod
anything to curve my fears into a positive interaction
to curve this lack of innovation into pure motivation
so maybe I don't feel betrayed by you…
Dear friend
You've stuck by my side for 8 years now, maybe it's 9
2008, we started this journey together
somewhere in January, February, March
You've watched over me like an angel
You've been at my side like a brother, a sister
You've been to war with me
you've fought against me when I tried to back away, curse your name
You brought me back time and again
from defamation, deviation, devastation
so why would you rob me of late hours, long nights
call my tragedies irrelevant, call them not important
color them complaints
stick a knife in my chest, bury it so deep I can't retrieve it
when you found a protege to succeed me
when your newfound protege surpassed me
8 years,9 years I've been at this
Making novels with notebook paper
only to trade them in for a digital folder
Start from scrap, bury tree leaves in plastic bags
when I could've saved so many green lives
yet I thought the better investment was to suffocate on ink fumes
for hours or maybe it was days
The clock was fading, did it have hands
or was the seconds just ticking
to the beat of songs on repeat in my head
It's the only way I function
Reciting lyrics I falsely claim to be my own
yet they structure who I am on the present day
Don't look at me with that face
...it's not like it hurts much anyway