Stuck In Time.. Poem by Ella Goodman

It's been days that I haven't seen,
Or had a conversation with you.
You prefer to be distant and cold,
You refrain from any gesture of friendliness to behold—
Lest, they be misconstrued,
To hold on to you.

I have been dreaming of you,
More frequently of late—
Similar dreams of insecure quest,
Fear of privation, desparate isolation.
Even in my dreams, you never look forward to seeing me;
Only I tire myself out, to look where you should be.

I know you have no special emotions for me,
I know you never had nor ever will.
As I woke up today,
There was an insane urge to reach out to you—
Press my face against your chest,
Hold tight and just stay that way true.
Let the moment be—
Embracing the warmth of your arms,
Kiss your face—so soft, so calm.
But fate as it has—
I can't profess it all:
My feels or aches,
My laments when you are gone!

I try very hard—in sincere zeal,
To hold back all my desires and feels.
Desperate pangs of my heart—the plume that it brings.
Soften the embers of love not to reveal.
I hold myself back from reaching out to you,
Lest you should feel sorry that I love you.

I have vague dreams of you—
Dreams of brokenness, the twinge of separtion,
Exasperation, and hopeless desperation.
I fail to gather the tryst of my queer destiny,
To meet with you thus, and live away in agony.
So often I question the Lords and master of my Fate:
Why do I have to go through such a luck?
Forbidden from companionship I so crave?