Deborah Way

Synopsis Of Sarah

Last night I dreamed.
The waters of the covenant...they flowed
Until they came to an obstacle.
Today, I sit here eating this tough bread, this meat stew...I eat alone tonight, and the last as well.
For many years, agonizing, I ate as one of two.

'And God said, Sarah thy wife shall bear thee a son indeed; and thou shalt call his name Isaac: and I will establish my covenant with him for an everlasting covenant, [and] with his seed after him.'

For so long. I laughed as I dished up the stew when it was two servings. My faith...oh, my faith.
Then as simple as a flower blooms at its appointed time,
whether you hover over it or not...the child came.
And how we loved him.

'And Abraham circumcised his son Isaac being eight days old, as God had commanded him.'

He was a gift from God.
We honored every command regarding him.
He was the child of promise.
Nothing was too small to insure what God said was to be.

'And Abraham was an hundred years old, when his son Isaac was born unto him.'

For so long. We were so old.
So many reasons to doubt our ability even yet.
Would we live to raise him well?
Could he find his place without us?

'And the child grew, and was weaned: and Abraham made a great feast the [same] day that Isaac was weaned.'

But we did not die for the joy of the Lord was our strength.

'Wherefore she said unto Abraham, Cast out this bondwoman and her son: for the son of this bondwoman shall not be heir with my son, [even] with Isaac. '

There was that time when God spoke to me.
There was the time God told me how to protect the little one.

'And God said unto Abraham, Let it not be grievous in thy sight because of the lad, and because of thy bondwoman; in all that Sarah hath said unto thee, hearken unto her voice; for in Isaac shall thy seed be called.'

It was the time God validated me.
It was the time he named me Prophetess.
It was the time He called me Wisdom.

'And he said, Take now thy son, thine only [son] Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of.'

But this is the time of darkness.
He speaks to you, and not a word to me.
I remember His voice, I just don't hear it right now.
And the things His voice told me...
they completely contradict what He tells you now.
I hear you cry out to Him.
You remind Him how you and I have been of one flesh
in all these things.
Crying out that He might show me this, too, even as He shows you.
But all remains dark, and He is silent.
So we wait, and calculate,
try to see how things can be
by Him in you
and yet by Him in me.
But still He presses you. You must act upon His word.
And you might have fear as a barb in your faith.
You do not fear from lack of confidence in Him.
You fear from lack of confidence in us.
This will destroy our hearts.
They may never love again.

'And Abraham rose up early in the morning, and saddled his ass, and took two of his young men with him, and Isaac his son, and clave the wood for the burnt offering, and rose up, and went unto the place of which God had told him. '

So you went. exquisite anguish that it was.
As a kindness to me, you kept the word of God secret
from the child.
He did not suspect he told me goodbye
for the last time.
He did not know why my eyes had tears.
'I am big enough to do this, Mother! '
He was exasperated.
'I hope so, Son, ' I said in truth.

'And Isaac spake unto Abraham his father, and said, My father: and he said, Here [am] I, my son. And he said, Behold the fire and the wood: but where [is] the lamb for a burnt offering? '

So now I sit and can not eat.
I picture the telling of the child.
I should have been stronger.
I should have gone along with them.
Was the son of Hagar the one to inherit the promise?
Was my child meant for naught but sacrifice?
Did I hear Your voice at all?
Or was it only my own desire for significance...
...after so many barren years.
No! I say I heard You!
If I didn't hear You, then there is no God!
But where are they now? What is happening?

'And they came to the place which God had told him of; and Abraham built an altar there, and laid the wood in order, and bound Isaac his son, and laid him on the altar upon the wood.'

Surely it is past now.
Enough time gone for the deed to be done.
The dread was heavy,
and while the grief is heavy too, at least
it has a numbness to it...for a while.
I am so tired of this faith business, God.
Let it be finished.
Make no more words to me that stretch to the death of my heart.
And then I see them coming toward me.
From a great distance, I see

And God gave me the rest I desired about the child.
For the next words He had recorded that mention the name
...the name of my son...
move the waters of the covenant onward:

'But thou shalt go unto my country, and to my kindred, and take a wife unto my son Isaac...'

Poem Submitted: Saturday, January 17, 2009
Poem Edited: Saturday, January 17, 2009

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