That Toxic Trait Poem by Mr. S

It always leads to me seeing you in places where I know you are not
it's Saturday you are at home
and there's a piece of me thinking you are not
I search for your face in every passing face
and I always succeed at giving my heart eche

This is something I have been meaning to tell you
I love you!
but thats the problem here!
because you want to be 'just friends' and I just want more
and the thing that got me writing this today is because yesterday when you didn't answer my calls I realized that maybe I can't handle the truth
now what I mean is that, I knew you were busy with a client but I just didn't want to believe it
the voices on my shoulders coerced my mind into believing that you were with someone else and for that time, I believed it
see what I'm trying to tell you is that 'I can't handle the truth' without sounding like a weak impulsive man
but I can't handle the truth
you told me that you don't want a relationship but i helplessly fell for you either way
this morning you confirmed what my mind minimized and that had led to me writing this for I am finally handling the truth
when I first met you I didn't know what I was doing
it wasnt until yesterday that I realized that I love you
but it wasn't the kind of love you probably know
see, like I said when I met you I didn't know what I was doing but still, I gave my time to you
you did the same, then we started calling each other
sacrificing the little we had just so we could hear each other's voices and see each other
then we sacrificed sleep on some days so that we could talk till Sunrise and sometimes half way through the day
we got closer and we slowly lost our secretes to each other
then slowly I didn't realize that with every bit that I did it slowly built this situation that I find myself in
now I know that love comes after the 'sacrifices'
so after all that, I now know that I love you but it's the problem here because I can't handle it

I really can't because on most days it messes me up on some days it makes me happy
and I told you that you hit a different type of nerve and you smiled
yes as cliché as it will sounds, you are the ruin of me
you could draw me to fire, you could draw me to water, you could draw me to the gallows, you can even draw me to something I have most avoided, you could draw me to victory and you could draw me to a loss
But like I said I hate it
because I can't handle it

maybe I haven't been entirely honest with you from the start
look I'm that type of a guy that my love has always been overlooked
and for sometime I felt i was like a meal that has been overcooked
get the picture
so when I met you you didn't see me like that you saw me the way that I didn't
you believed what said when I didn't
for the first time you saw the real me that I couldn't see for the longest time..but I couldn't handle it
so I tried to push you away but I couldn't
because you left so much of you in me that I thought in your voice
I smelt your scent even when you weren't even near
I tried listening to music but all I could hear was noise
because i allowed my consciousness find peace in you and that is something I considered my deepest fear
'being consumed by someone else'
thats why I preferred being unattached
you should be proud of me because I'm finally handling the truth and the truth is that I'm drawn to you, it's not even by choice I'm really sure you are nice now but you would be alot nicer if you would leave me alone because I can't handle it! it's literally killing me!