THE FIRST TIME Poem by Remco Campert

The first time
it was at your place we went back to
the last tram was wailing round the corner
and the neighbours' radio played unearthly jazz
as I sat on the edge of the bed
struggling with my shoes
I felt shy:
could I do it
that first time

the first time
I sweated like an otter
my body had never moved this way before
in such a tender awkward tussle

we bit each other's mouths
sweet blood joining
lust and love
as never later

the first time
you wanted the light out
I said let's leave it on

in the half-dark compromise
- the light of the night-time city
falling through the window
wheedled down beside us -
I saw that your eyes saw
something I couldn't see
fathomlessly far off
in your half-open mouth
death was jeering

The first time
after it was over
we smoked a cigarette
you'd seen them do that in the French film
I spilt ash on my chest
sniffed my finger

that feeling:
that the world lay open for you
all cities welcoming
seas navigable
mountains surmountable
nothing could stop me now
I felt like starting out right away

but first of all
the second time