The Hellhole Poem by Bunny Baker

What the hell is this I see?
On the first day of the tenancy
It really is a sight to behold
Dirty carpet overrun with mould

Mirror, mirror cracked on the wall
Who's the biggest mug of them all?
Windows filthy, nearly opaque
Get me some wine for Jesus' sake.

Let's go outside into the garden
And marvel at the decaying plants
A constant dripping onto rotten wood
Is that not what everyone wants?

Back from a festival covered in crap
Perfect time for a nice long soak
But first of all where is the plug?
Then off it clatters - the hot tap!

In the kitchen, let's shut the fridge door
But we can't because there is a flaw
Light bulbs gone in every hole
Living underground like a mole

We love the shower curtains,20 years old
Saturated at the ends with fungus and mould
Toilet seat cracked and dirty with muck
The landlord clearly can't give a -! !

A lesson, o yes, we have been sent
To take a second look at a flat to rent
But now we are stuck for nearly a year
Just go to the shop and get me some beer