The Lonely Clown Poem by Garett Ryan

I’m done with drugs.
They make me sad
Or do they just stop me from pretending?
Have I just convinced myself to be happy for you?
Then the drugs just make the sadness seep through.

I can’t listen to music. Cause it’s all the same song.
'I love you, and can’t move on'. That’s all I hear.
Like a deer in headlights, I freeze
Waiting to be hit.
Then the thoughts flow
Like the dead underneath a rainbow.
So dark and cold.

I hate how I feel. But could it be real?
I feel hopeless without you.
Nothing but sadness in my rearview.
Now I need to look forward.
Because you’re gone,
I have to find the strength.
The strength to move on

I shouldn’t have fallen, since I’m sinking to the ground.
Drawing,
Feeling like a clown whose lurking in the background of love.
Surrounded by hate.
Knowing when I reach the gate I’ll be alone.
I’ll die a clown with no make up to hide this frown.

A piercing pain in my chest.
A bullet shot through my vest,
Into my heart it goes
No more frolicking under rainbows.
It wasn’t just you
I’m just tired of being blue.

I love you.