The Martyr Poem by emergingfrom thedark

I am without control; Without intention; Without compassion.
I do not see the human beings around me
As worthy of respect; of love; of help.
Yet I really do…
I WANT to love everyone; I want to help everyone.
I carry the entire world upon my back
Because some masochistic part of me Really wants to.
I cannot let go. And so:
I carry pills; razors; bullets of the mind.
I kill myself EVERY DAY
And nobody will have to witness my failings again.
But every tomorrow begins;
Every memory of yesterday’s sadness
Submits to servanthood.
I strive; I live;
I try harder and I overload.
I cry; I scowl; I sink into myself…
And I hate myself because
I can’t help but hurt everyone else.
I WANT TO TAKE THE PAIN
I want to be the saviour; The crucifix;
The only one to feel evil’s effects.
And, though I know this is impossible…
I keep burdening myself.