The Pendulum Poem by Emeka GOC

The Pendulum


Fighting silently alone
Written off by proud family
Who have no room for my white- sheep difference
So, hiding behind chameleon indifference
I smile our smile anyway
Because we share a name


Discovering, my focus is broken
In my heightened vulnerability
Isolation becomes my only safety
Then come the dictatorial teachers
Ordering contemptuously demanding compliance


Fully disdainful
No respect
No rapport
No trust

A specialist in a costly KOC suit,
Talking down to a guy on street hoodie
Repeatedly checking his Apple watch
Worried about the fading time
Time is money, but time is my life
Every night is a graveyard shift


Navigating protracted old trauma
Morning comes, and I am drunk on exhaustion.
I do not drink, I just need an emotional backing
Instead, rushed in an intersection of dark thoughts;

Hallucination
Self-harm
Neglect,
Overdose
Ideations and thoughts one is not proud of


A pendulum swinging wildly between
PTSD, anxiety, and depression
Hating this condition, still no expression
Abuse of the self worth, self dignity
We need a different circumstance


We need care support that looks for the fire
The fire before the house burns deep down
Deep- down, we need to discover the health need
Health need before we create the victim
Victims of failed, fouled system.


The Pendulum) ing disorderly
Slowly oscillating consistently
but progressively and stealthily