The Profound Lingering Pain. Poem by Carl R Nicolas

If it's truly over...
Why does the emptiness feel so heavy? ... If it's over…
why does my spirit tremble
like a leaf that just lost its branch? ...

I told myself this was for the best... I gave myself a thousand reasons, anchored in the truth that I deserve more, that the 'darkest moments' should remain in the past... But why... why do I still feel this crippling weakness? ...

I've been leaning so hard on the scaffolding of my own naivete, believing the echoes of old promises... You gave me reasons,
clear ones, sharp ones,
reasons to let go... The echoes of old promises that we all make mistakes... I believed you when you said
no one is perfect...

But I finally broke the cycle. I finally, finally said no more... This time, I ended it.
This time, I chose the door... I brought down the curtain on a play that stopped being a romance years ago...

And yet... Why can't I breathe? ... Why can't I dream? ... Why can't it be easy? ... Why do I feel weak? ...
like it's a crutch I cannot drop... I still feel the cracks...

If love is no longer present,
why does it hurt this deeply? ... Why can't I just switch to a happy mode? ...

And if love is gone...
If the flame has burned out... Why does it hurt so bad? ... Why does my mind stay in the haunted house of memory? ...

Maybe it's just the sound of a heart remaking itself...or because endings, even necessary ones,
bleed before they heal...

Perhaps that weakness I feel? It's not defeat. It's the raw, tender feeling of a bone that has been broken, now trying to fuse back together stronger than before...
choosing peace
does not mean you won't mourn the war...

You feel the cracks
because something once sacred
broke in your hands... Leaving dust in the lungs... silence in the room... questions in the night...

So, what do I do now?
I sit with the pain. I let it be...
Carl Nicolas.