There's A Spot On My Nose Poem by tru lee

I got up and went into the bathroom
Had a wash and dabbed my face dry
But I stopped when I looked in the mirror
What I saw, I just wanted to cry

For on my normally pale complexion
With just a freckle or two round about
Was a whopping great bright red monstrosity
Sat on the end of my snout

‘Twas not a blackhead, nor pimple, nor boil
It pulsated and glowed and it flared
It was, I believe, a new country
And independence had just been declared

Now I’m not one for exaggeration
Being sensationalist or over the top
But this molehill was quite clearly a mountain
Or a volcano, just waiting to pop

So I emptied the cabinet of cleansers
Of face masks, of potions and creams
I turned the tap on and closed all the windows
And filled up the bathroom with steam

And I prepared to make the extraction
To take back what was rightfully mine
With sterilised tweezers and a needle
(For anaesthetic I opened some wine)

With nerves shot and hands all of a quiver
Sweaty from my head to my toes
I selected my weapon (well, my cotton bud) of choice
And began the assault on my nose

With military stealth and precision
I found my target (wasn’t hard, to be fair)
And I squeezed and I poked and I prodded
But the pain was just too much to bear

I thought about calling my doctor
Get a house call and sort out this mess
But he’s handsome and young and attractive
And I don’t think my nose would impress

So there’s only one other option
As I finish my bottle of wine
An emergency medical admission
I’ll have to call 999

Surprisingly they wouldn’t send an ambulance
And they told me to get off the line
They said, “a spot’s not a matter of life and death”
I said, “clearly you haven’t seen mine”

Now I’m not one for over reaction
But I thought I should take to my bed
There was no way I was going out clubbing
Not when it’s £10 a head…

So that’s where I am at this minute
And I’ve thrown all the creams in the bin
Cos despite endless hours of cleansing
Another’s come up on my chin