To Whom I'm Indebted Poem by Ash Lynn

Not being one for professional subtlety
I can barely hear you, despite repetition
I only need anyone, not someone and marriage
I want a vantage point first
So I can finish growing up

Maybe then I can consider without umpteen regrets
At the wayside of every possibility
That's beyond my physicality

But if beside me's a person who's for my survival
My problems are banished, and I don't even worry
About what I might do to reverse my misfortune

On that note, I do regret bits
Like calling for help, and going 10 steps too far
But if things pan out fine, and I don't die before resurrecting
I can now invent faster than I would've in comfort
Since need is a very curious enzyme

Another cost, it seems, is that I lost my phone
This now is nigh chore, motivated by guilt from silence
I can't relate to being so philanthropic
As to care for a stranger's bright future
Or oppositely, to act on causing the same subject pain
I also don't feel enthused by the thought of a big party
Just random creative productivity would suit my searching
Far from any public perception, till after I've matured

Until then, my instincts deny any chance of connection
That's even partly emotional if I sense only projections
Though I'm moved by how much you('ve) care(d) for me, yourself and/or others

All this time I've been content just with song
The sounds, I'd planned, could lift my heavy spirits
From vivaldi to faltermeyer, it's been totally impersonal
I never listened to lyrics, just the way they were said
So what's shared for sure is the appreciation of muse
And less so the content that makes someone them


So basically trying to decide on anything now
Is only placing chips in roulette
I first want that high spot, some vision and goals
And since all I can render is what's immediately before me
That spot may need be a mountain, the vision revelation
And the goals a part of some very interesting game, I suppose
But the key for me is merely the physicality of things

So I'm interested in hearing you out
But I wanted you to know that I hardly feel
Or comprehend anything while roaming alone

I expect good company to grant me energy
And energy to make anything possible with time