Trust Without Feeling Poem by Hannah Gilchrist

Disillusioned, Despairing
Trusting God when you can't see, feel or hear him

Though you shelter me with your wings
There is no shadow in your love for me
You lift me up like an ocean
I feel the ripples underneath but I float carelessly on the waves, peacefully
The problems wash away
My mind is still

You are there
Even when I can't see, feel or hear you, you are there
Bigger than me
You are in the sunset-painted sky
You are in the chill and in the warmth
You are in the breath that fills my lungs
Even though my brain feels numb
You are there

I can't feel you tugging on my heart
But you are here
You cry the tears that I can't cry
You lift my head to face another day
Though I want to run, you keep me here
I can't hear you knocking at the door
But you are here
Though I disgust myself, you love every repulsion
You love my weakness and my strength
I am your creation
I can't see you when I close my eyes
There's no light behind the curtain
But you're here
In the midst of my despair, you are here

And so I carry on
You carry me
I do what I know to do
Each step requires you
You pick me up & run with me
Only after, will I see
This body fails me because it cannot sense you
My heart is wanting because it cannot feel you
I am a lie without you
Lord, give me strength

There is no hurt left
It's time for healing
Faith is not a feeling
Sometimes the grace is in the getting through
Nothing left of me, but all of you
You won't hold back
Everything is miraculous because of you
I give my cares to you
And you caress me
In this whirlpool of hope & fear & pride & pain, you stay
You'll never leave me alone with my thoughts
You are what's true & I'm anchored by you