Untitled Poem by Lors Dilouley

I err and I err.
And stumble over myself and fall down
allowing myself to cross the line
and live selfishly.

And God is teaching you patience
with me.
Because though I try,
my flesh seems to reign lately
and I haven't been able to embrace
the liberty Christ called me to
more by impatience and rampant desires
than by anything else.

God continues to watch me.
Yes, sometimes rejoicing victoriously.
But it seems like more than not
He just patiently scrapes me off the ground
I've fallen flat face-down upon.

He sets me upon a rock,
and makes my way straight,
and I try to run again.
Once again, I get deterred
take my eyes off the Vision
and again, I'm tasting dirt.

You see, our God is a patient One.
A perfect One.
And i'm so far from that
most of the time.
And it gets me into a whole lot of
self-created messes.

But our patient God knows me.
He knows my heart and everything surrounding it.
He knows how it beats,
and that though I may fail
again and again endlessly,
the rhythm is for Him, and it repeats after Him.
My desire above all else is to please Him with my life.
When I fall short, as I always do
and come crawling back to the cross
I am in humble despair at my failure.

But I am in Christ.
which means that when I do fail/fall
I can look up and see Him running
just ahead of me - running for me.
And He seats me with Christ in God.
He glances back and smiles
urging - 'look at me only. Come on. follow.'

And I push myself up
and God nudges me along
To run another 10 feet and repeat the cycle.
(but this time undefeated, persevering, inspired.)

All this is to say
that I am trying to show you my heart.
Trying to help you see that
though I may fail, and stumble and trip,
I want to make Him proud more than anything.
as His child in Christ.

So when I mess this up - and I will -
it's because I am human and sinful.
But I am a new creation.
He makes all things new.
And i'm not near being done yet,
and I'm not near perfection in the least.
But the Bridegroom is coming.
Then, we'll be complete.

until then:
you're gonna need to be patient with me.