Who Are You? Poem by Lizelle 'Leasel' Martins

I have heard about you and always wondered who you are.
I have been told that you destroy all whom you encounter, you actually live for this.
As much as I wanted to find out more about you, I didn’t want to know you.

But lately you found me, despite all my efforts, you found me.
Things changed, I changed...
I looked at things much more differently, quite a negative perspective of everything.
Who is this person I have become?
I despise you....

I hate the way I feel when you around me. I hate the fact that I can’t breathe when you around me; I suffocate in my own thoughts.
I hate it when you hold me so tight, my heart starts racing, my palms all wet, feeling nausea....my lungs, they feel like they going to burst...feels like I am drowning...I have to scream, I need to scream.

I don’t like the person I have become, I feel so helpless, powerless...
What are you doing here, what do you want from me...?
What a rhetorical question, because I know exactly all these answers.
I know what you doing, I know why you are here, I know what you capable of and I know you have no intension of leaving, unless...
But still.....

I can’t help to ask, me asking, is it a way of convincing myself otherwise...

That maybe just maybe...

Who are you...?