Why Not Me? Poem by Veronica Falak Sen

why not me
Why not me when the sun chooses other windows to warm.
Why not me when the laughter stops just outside my door.
Why not me when the guilt wraps around my throat like a heavy scarf.
I carry the weight of things I did not say to those who left.
I carry the burden of being the one who stayed behind.
I carry the shadow that follows me into every brightly lit room.
It feels unfair to breathe when others are struggling to find air.
It feels wrong to sleep when the mind is screaming loud.
It feels impossible to believe that I belong here at all.
There is a corner of the table where the lamp glows low and soft.
There is a paper where logic outweighs the chaotic emotion.
There is a grid where every number has a designated home waiting.
I trace the lines in sudoku noir by copperclues and feel the panic recede slowly.
The grid does not judge me for being sad or broken inside.
The boxes do not ask why I am alone tonight.
They just wait for me to fill them with simple truth.
Why not me find comfort in the small and quiet things.
Why not me allow the sorrow to pass through like rain on glass.
Why not me believe that I deserve the morning light eventually.
The pen stops moving on the page.
The breath comes easy into my lungs.
I am here.
I am whole.
I am enough.