Treasure Island

Tiffany Rose Moczydlowski

(November 28,1996 / Springfield, MA)

False Hopes

My life is shrouded in an eternal night
I think
As the cooling touch of an ever-present darkness
Rouses me from my slumber
To face
The inevitable labyrinth of worries
That is a package deal with every day.
Void of any emotion, any sensation
Except the fatigue of
Wandering aimlessly
Towards an unknown target
That saps me of my strength.
Begging to have mercy graced
On my soul
I feel a violent spasm of ice
Encompass my body.
A deliria brought on by
The chilly breath of death
Greeting me
As it envelopes
Every fiber of my being.
I give myself over to
This new wave of darkness.
As an invisible cord connecting body and spirit
Is broken beyond mending.
As I am pulled, further and further downward.
Realizing where I am headed
I struggle, scream, and shout.
My instinctive fear of the unknown
Crashes around me.
Pure terror coursing through my...
Well, where my veins used to be.
But I am helpless.
No fight will save me
From being dragged down into
This new living death I have earned
That's symbolized by the raging fires of Hell.

Submitted: Saturday, August 06, 2011
Edited: Sunday, August 07, 2011

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Comments about this poem (False Hopes by Tiffany Rose Moczydlowski )

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  • Tom Higgins (9/23/2012 9:13:00 AM)

    Again Tiffany I see you have talent and great ability. Keep working on expanding your subject matter. (Report) Reply

  • Valsa George (6/22/2012 7:46:00 AM)

    I just can't believe that this poem is penned by a teenager! ! Amazing....that's all I have to say.......! ! ! (Report) Reply

  • Giorgio Veneto (6/21/2012 3:02:00 PM)

    1) Good description.
    2) far too many adjectives - a few can be omitted.
    3) Even though the emphasis is offered to suspense, the subject is not well analyzed, because of the overwhelming usage of unnecessary words. It needs to be expanded to other worlds, outside that of yours.

    G. (Report) Reply

  • Matty Reynolds (6/20/2012 12:21:00 PM)

    I like your extensive use of imagery. Read the poem to yourself OUTLOUD. See how the poem flows from your voice and your interpretation - and add the punctuation accordingly. It will aid in the flow of the poem for both you and the reader.

    Doesn't remind me of the song - but Gojira's Vacuity video. It's an intense video. You should youtube it.

    Matty :) (Report) Reply

  • Amber S (8/29/2011 11:20:00 AM)

    thats deep. you are a amazing writer! ! ! wow why is it that everyone on here that is close to my age sounds so much smarter than i do? i dont even know some of the words u used and im 16. but anyways keep writing! ! ! (Report) Reply

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