Susan Sparks

(July 8,1957 / Fort Leavenworth, Kansas)

Flatulence Will Get You Everywhere


Flattery will get you nowhere
Butt flatulence is different
Bottle it and sell it
And try not to inhale it.

Sniffing gas is dangerous
It matters not what kind
Hell yes, another fart poem-
I've lost my blooming mind!

We're running out of petroleum
There's not enough to go around
Better think of other ways
That energy can be found.

Alternate energy sources-
Of course there's
Nuclear and hydrology
And everything else from A to Z.

Butt it's time for a great thinker
To utilize the great stinker
Bottle it and sell it
Purify and distill it.
The sky's the limit
Fill a rocket and send it
To the moon!
(Very soon) .

Beans, beans
The musical fruit
The more you eat
The more you shoot
Great big rockets in the air,
Heat your home,
And dry your hair,
Drive your car
Quick! Get to work.
It's time to “let” that great big fart.

Flattery won't do a thing for you
Butt flatulence I do assure
Will take you places you'll never go
When petroleum is a monumental “No.”

The human fart is a renewable energy source
Of course.
Convert your gas
Into cash.
Blast into the future
And leave the past “behind” you.

Eat more beans!

Submitted: Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Topic(s): Humor


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Comments about this poem (Flatulence Will Get You Everywhere by Susan Sparks )

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  • Darlene Walsh (4/25/2014 5:18:00 PM)

    lol, not very practical but that was very funny. Cows however are a HUGH source of methane, that could make another funny poem, put it in your cereal or put it in your car. (Report) Reply

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