Tiffany Rose Moczydlowski

(November 28,1996 / Springfield, MA)

Obsolete


Her past was constantly
chasing her.
No matter how much she
strived to escape it,
she always inevitably
managed to be captured
by its menacing claws...
The flight to any location
was absolutely futile
because it had yet to fail
in scoping her out,
forever following just a
measly step behind.

Nightmares were bliss
compared to this existance.
At least you have a chance
to rid yourself of them
with the simple action
of opening your eyes.
But this was no sleep-terror.
It was her terrible and
unrelenting reality.

It seemed as if the
mere chance accident,
from that period so
submerged into her history,
would never cease
to sneakily bleed
dastardly effects
into her present.
Especially at this moment,
which she had been
praying would
never arrive.

''I can't do this! ''
She struggled to choke back
a sea of tears
while shrieking this
desperate decree.
Her mirror image within the
knife was a
complete and utter wreck.
Her hair was so riddled and knotted
that it was inconceivable that
it had ever come in contact
with a brush.
Then there were her burdened eyes,
wide and filled
with sorrow and sin.
A hint of her clothes was
captured by the reflection,
revealing how ripped and
torn they were,
tattered from the
long nights on the run
Those cold, hard nights...

''What has become of me? ''
she thought.
''I'm a hideous monster! ''
She tried to ignore it and
gazed at the weapon.
So much sinister history
behind this mysterious object.
She knew what she
was forced to do, even though
it made her heart heavy.
There were no options.
''I'm sorry.''
Arianna whispered.
''There's no other way.''
Lifting the accursèd dagger
and desperately wishing there was
ANY other option,
she drove it
through
his heart.

Submitted: Sunday, June 24, 2012
Edited: Friday, July 13, 2012

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  • Kevin Patrick (8/20/2012 4:54:00 PM)

    I like that you are not conforming to typical poetic archetypes you have a more modernist sensibilities, it’s still beautiful rich in textures and is a very inviting read that never feels dull, a solid write. (Report) Reply

  • Kelly Seale (8/12/2012 3:47:00 PM)

    Her past is Obsolete, because of the events that have transpired to bring her her to this very moment in time... I get it Tiffany, Very good, very INGENIOUS. (Had to look it up to make sure of spelling and usage correct. Yep!)
    I have a similar one called -The Slasher, and also Fade to Black, and also Innocent Bride, and also Possesson.
    Great Ink Tiffany! ! ! ; -)
    -Kelly. (Report) Reply

  • Caroline Bulleck (7/28/2012 6:31:00 PM)

    As I was reading the poem, I got more and more into it., feeling the same emotions the girl was. When I reached the end, it felt like someone stabbed me in my heart! I love poems that are loaded with impact, emotion and imagery. (Report) Reply

  • Keiran Bateman (7/3/2012 3:34:00 PM)

    I really like this poem, because it tells a great story and you are very good at using adjectives to create images in the readers mind, but I agree that it needs to be broken down, as the stanzas are long. Apart from that, it is well written, GOOD JOB! ! (Report) Reply

  • Corrina Kavea (6/30/2012 5:07:00 PM)

    I like the short story...but.... the stanzas need either breaking down to create more flow or grouped like prose, if its to be presented as a poem. Perhaps less auxiliary words and more metaphor's? other than that, very creative indeed. (Report) Reply

  • John Raubenheimer (6/29/2012 12:42:00 PM)

    An ambitious poem that maintains its building threat to the very end where the dagger strikes. I don't know what the traumatic incident in Arianna's past was - perhaps I don't need to know - but it's effects are well shown. A sea of tears is a cliche. You can do without those. And and sin struck me as odd. But all the rest nestles in my heart quite well, unlike the dagger! (Report) Reply

  • Anele The_african_son Potelwa (umbhali_wasembo) (6/25/2012 3:15:00 PM)

    You such a profound writter, I took so long to comment on this writte because I really did not know what to say, but due to the amazing and interesting write, I just went to the imaginary world

    The_African_Son

    (Th³_ªfR¹cª¬_šºN) (Report) Reply

  • Theo Williams (6/25/2012 10:11:00 AM)

    Wow your poems are just whoaa! you are soo gifted! You must have an extremely creative imagination :) well done (Report) Reply

  • Terry O'leary (6/25/2012 9:45:00 AM)

    Very nicely witten Tiffany, especially godd for a 'highschooler'. Good descriptive images. I don't think I could give you any pointers... I'm just a poetaster myself... trying to learn by experience... I hope you read a lot... that's the only advice I can give you... the more you read, the more your brain/feelings will develop, enabling you to 'dip into' the (obvious) creative talent you have... Good luck... Terry (Report) Reply

  • Abdullah Jamil (6/25/2012 7:52:00 AM)

    It's a good narrative poem. Well expressed at your age. I would suggest you to be more concise in writing. I means small sentences would express many things. Please bring more examples of nature in the poem. That make the poems artistic. (Report) Reply

  • Ency Bearis (6/25/2012 7:05:00 AM)

    You had composed a prose poetry, well told narrative poem and this is good write from a young lady like you. Notable cogitation. (Report) Reply

  • Ace Of Black Hearts (6/24/2012 7:08:00 PM)

    When their is no way out.
    Their is no doubt of the heart thumping pure adrenaline and emotion that is flowing.
    A desire for closure.
    A book slammed shut never be reopen.
    When a hard decision is made the consequences of it become so much less important.
    A good story is one that never really ends. (Report) Reply

  • Martin O'Neill (6/24/2012 4:37:00 PM)

    I confess to expecting a teenage emotional description of a suicide attempt. Your ending took me by surprise and the poem took on a deeper meaning. The description of emotion is dramatic and moving and the build up was really good.
    Well written. (Report) Reply

Read all 21 comments »

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