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Hope

When i was younger, I used to dream about how my marriage will be. Filled with Love, filled with Christ and filled with life and fun. However, life seems to have dealt me a different hand all together. A love am unsure of, a home am not sure of. To round up all that I feel I will say am not sure how i feel. Love seems to be a memory long gone, an emotion once foretold and here no more. Am trying to hang on, hoping tomorrow will be a better day, but my heart is numb, wondering if i made the right choice. If am on the right line, on the right part, heading the right way. Lord I have cried enough, I have hurt too much, I have hoped but it seems limited. Are my prayers not being heard, are my cries not loud enough, is my faith not strong enough or my sacrifice not enough. Lord forgive me if I have offended you. I have nowhere else to run to, no one else to talk to. Am lost and alone. More than anything I feel alone. Am surrounded, but yet alone. Am like a shadow of my once self. An echo of my young self. I shout but am not sure anyone hears, I fear am at the edge. Am bleeding but nobody cares. Nobody cares to bandage my wounds. Daily insults rather add salts to my injuries. Lord tell me, am I not doing enough, do I not care enough, tell me when love will be enough, tell me when love is too much. Lord am helpless, am tired, Lord most of all I need your help. For I know better days are yet to come and I know one day happiness will surely remain. I will look back am the challenges I faced will be a distant memory. I will one day smile when I remember this and say thanks for the trails, because it has made me a better person, a better wife, a better daughter, a better mother, a better sister and a better friend. Amen :)

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