Alex Dang Poet

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Everything Must Go

So I'm in college realizing that the internet meme "forever alone" has two typos in it. There should be a space between a and loan and loan should be spelled LOAN.

Understanding that I need money I start my google search. "Blood bank in Eugene, Oregon." "Plasma center in Portland, Oregon". "Sperm donation is Saint Paul, Minnesota".

Did you know that a kidney goes for 262 thousand dollars? I can live with one kidney. Skin is 10 dollars per square inch. A gall bladder is twelve hundered and nineteen dollars. Who even know what a gall bladder is for anyways, right? I do: It's to sell.

Imagine I have so much to offer to the right buyer so I put in the paperwork, got a permit, and reserved a space for an auction to buy me. I dress in my nicest clothes, made the room a comfortable temperature, warmed up my body for the stage. You should have seen all the things you could have bought. Glittering displays of legs, feet, arms, eyes. Everything must go!

Five thousand dollars for my sense of direction to the freshmen always getting lost to philosophy class. Three thousand dollars for my punctuality gifted to the girl in the back who keeps missing the bus. Twelve thousand dollars for my writing skills to the senior who needs to get those English prerecs done. Ten thousand dollars for my fashion style to the boy who wears running shoes everywhere. Where are you even going? Why are you always running there?

Nothing left except cold hard cash. I am now the proud owner of 1.2 million dollars. I can now graduate college without any debt. This is so much better.

And I see my peers take suit. I see my best friend strip away her bite and venom placing it gently into the claws of a corporation who promised her a promotion. She just takes them by the hand quietly. My roommate exchanges his running shoes for a pair of brown Oxfords, blue button up, and khaki slacks. He is now working for a condo development that is slowly demolishing the park he once ran at. But the full belly of your pocket is something you want to get use to.

The play write who used to push controversy is now writing dialogue for commercials. The comedian who used to do 4 open mics a night is now selling edited jokes to a laugh reel.

She used to sing the sweetest serenades now reduce to the jingle of advertising. He was going to be a public defender but now burns the people he swore to protect with flaming sacks of 100 dollar bills just because he can. But the chime of 30 silver coins is a pretty sound. This is far from your last supper. Everything must go. Nothing left except cold hard cash. This is so much better.

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