Alex Luu

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The Letter My Grandpa Never Gave My Dad

the letter my grandpa never gave my dad
dear son I remember when you told me a
"Baba,I want to be just like you when I grow
up" I gave a nervous chuckle I cupped
your hands in mine and looked you in the
eyes but before I could confess I saw
the pride in those pupils so I hinged my
lips back in place just to bask in your
smile a little longer son you know I'm
not one for small talk so I hope this
poem can expose all the conversations
I've never had the chance to tell you
son I don't think you understand what
it's like to be me don't think you can
understand the immigration pains
embedded in these scars don't know if
you can comprehend how sixteen hour work
days seven days a week it can take its
toll on a man's heart yet how sick days
meant extinction you don't know the
affliction of waking up grateful to be alive but afraid to keep living yet I have
no time for emotion I reminded you that
crying was unmanly because my tears
would have drowned the family before the
fishing boat would. let see this world too cruel, too relentless will not
lend its ear to our sacrifices I come
home from work every night having been
called fob more than father been
confused Chinese for chink
Asians didn't know enough English to
speak back so we let our bodies sign
language our submission we kept our
mouth shut our chins down fake the smile
in the face of authority there's no
wonder why white culture teaches black
folk the world of model minority good
but son I did not bring you here to be
me you are too young to be your old man
and I will not allow you to pledge
allegiance to the anthem of insults as I
was forced to my footsteps were never
meant to be followed they're meant to
pave the roads your feet would never
touch gravel so please stop stepping in
my shoes I brought you I bought you
new Nikes for a reason I brought you
here for a reason
so inherit my lungs for a better life
take my native tongue and speak with
firecrackers in your throat and the
dynasty in your walk
keep the Solstice in your eyes and grow
Jade for bones be be as self aware as
you are stubborn strict as you are
supportive be everything I wanted but
could not be son I'm sorry I'm sorry I
won't be alive to teach you all these
things in person that there were
survival skills that took a generation
to learn so I'm sorry for making you a
man sooner than you should be but my son
you are a strong boy and the blue family
is a proud family and there is a story
in your smallpox car and history in
your blood
Men will try to cut you out
of society demands you go back to a
broken country I bled to bring you out
we don't know the sacrifices it is your
job to remind them

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