Activities of Alicha Du Plooy

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
...

Damaged stares are smoking the waterfalls
Focused pain creates moods
Needles of faith, Empires of rust
Martyrs are buried, insanity lost
...

Ek wil vir jou vertel van die donker tye in my verlede.
Ek wil jou vertel van dae wat ek in die grys van dit versmoor het.
Toe my dae, weke in maande van angs rook wolke swaar in my bors gaan le het.
Maar wat sal jy van my dink?
...

Te lank op die rak
uit gehaal soos dit jou pas.
Ekt te veel keer
my hart weg gegee
...

Blou oog kind
Soveel keer is jou hartjie vermink,
Deur pappa se lee beloftes, wat soos swaar klippe in die water sink.
Jou traantjies is warm op jou gesiggie, reguit uit jou warm borsie.
...

Bewolk op Vishoek strand.
Dis waar heen my gedagtes gaan,
in die aand waneer ek nie kan slaap nie.
Sit ek met my arms om my knee,
...

'n Feetjie het vir haar
uit spinnerak 'n doek vergaar;
'n rokkie wit as heuningwas
het sy toe aanmekaargelas.
...

I used to be completely dedicated chasing a better feeling, I needed to, I wanted to. Constantly running from the silence, it was deafening and unpleasant. Every day was the last time I would motivate myself, I will feel completely in control, till the feeling fades and complete dread falls upon me so fast without warning.
Wishing I could keep my promise to myself, but soon I will tell myself it's okay, this time will be the last. My best friend is night time the time where everything is still and welcoming, night time where I am completely free and save. A little bit to keep the feeling in place, my mind will play tricks my thoughts so abstract and wild a mission to put together on paper.
Awake, so awake into the night till early morning, talking to myself wishing I could be playful, content in making a blanket fort, and disappear in an imaginary world. I will sometimes wish I could have a child-like imagination to create an imaginary friend.
But most nights I wanted to be a freak, concentrating hard to lose my mind, the madness the total loss of control will make space in my mind where thoughts overflow like too much popcorn in a pot. I need a pick me up again, chasing a better feeling because I need to stay one step ahead of the constant feeling of dread.
...