Anon Anonymous

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Where Is God Now?

Growing up my momma taught me the four main requirements to be the proper southern woman: how to cook like a southern woman, how to pray for the people the good Lord unfortunately blessed my life with, how to hide my judgements, how to give my hair great volume, and how to never give a man too much of my body on the first date. She always told me that if I had sex before marriage I would die. My momma always seemed to teach me the Ten Commandments, but forgot all sort of Jesus when it came to herself because I was always reminded that "true love waits and if it doesn't, you'll meet the lord way sooner than you asked for because I'm gonna Kill you, Mary Jean." She taught me that sex was reserved for the person you love, me being the smartass I was always replied, "then why do you spend all of your time with Mr.Conroe down the street? "

Up until I was nineteen, I was afraid to say s-e-x out loud without getting red faced or choking up. Sex just wasn't something you talked about where I am from so explicitly like that. The lord teaches us to be holy, and being vulgar like that was not holy. Euphemisms were the South's scapegoat.

I didn't even know what sex really was until I walked in one morning to tell my momma and daddy that my little brother had ripped the head off of my Barbie doll again and was scarred for the rest of my life. Later my momma told me that she was just loving my father a little extra that morning.

I vowed to stay pure to God when I was twelve years old. I never knew about sex, really, just that it was for the private bedroom with the one you loved. So when I went off to college, I was prepared to stay true to that too. But then I fell in love, his name was Matt. He felt the same way about Jesus that I did, and the same about intimacy. We were on our fifth date when we were at his place to have a study group with a few of our mutual friends. I arrived a little earlier to help set out snacks and other party arrangements. Our friends were supposed to arrive at 8, and by 8: 20, I started to get a little nervous.
"I wonder where they are, let me step out and give Macy a quick call."
"Why are you locking the door? Haha, Matt stop they could be here any minute, I don't want them to walk in on, Hey stop what are you doing? Matt-"

After Matt- uh, after we...Matt told me that he loved me. I told him that I loved him too. I couldn't leave him. I was only supposed to have one "The one". One true love. How could I break my promise to God? Matthew 5: 8, "only those pure of heart shall enter the kingdom of heaven" so what was I supposed to do besides stay with him? Because not only did he take my purity away from me, he took everything I grew up thinking I was.

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