Anonymous Teenage Girl Poems

Yesterday I deleted your number, and all of our conversations. It’s been 5 months, and I still can’t get you out of my mind, and I think about you everyday, and I am overwhelmed from looking at my future and seeing you're not there. You were my everything when my everything shouldn't have been you. Confused. Heartbroken. Ignored. I remember the day you asked me out, and feeling so insecure about the thought of ever losing you.Losing us. But look at me now, without you. I've lost you. I've lost us. And when I lost you, I lost myself. And now, October is here - May is long gone, and I am still sitting on my couch writing you letters you will never read, and never receive, because I am stronger than the replies you never will give to me.
I wish you were here though. Watching hockey games with me, oh, and always teasing eachother and taking silly pictures like we used to. I wish we could be planning out our Halloween costumes together, and going on walks in the beautiful chilly fall weather, warming my hand with yours, feeling the connection when our hands are clasped onto eachothers. Then we could go home and cuddle and drink hot chocolate and listen to the rain.
I've tried to replace you, its stupid I know. But that's how empty you made me. I got addicted to the happy feeling you gave me, and I need the feeling, so I replaced you. It will never be the same but you are replaced with a brown dog who cuddles with me, like you used to. He cares when I cry. He cares. More than you ever did. But I still loved you more, because there was something about you, the feeling you gave me. The butterflies you made me feel, the smile you put on my face, the pain you put me through in my chest, and you still do. It used to be bittersweet because I had you, but now i don't. So the feeling has restricted to pain now. I always try to fill up the empty pit you put in my stomach with things that remind me of you, but it just makes me wish you were here with me.
I know I hurt you with the way things went, I wasn't a perfect girlfriend. I got angry, I got jealous and over protective. You always thought it was annoying. I always tried to control it and I will forever be working on it. But just know I cared. I cared about you so much and i still do. I was just so afraid of losing you I wanted to be yours and I wanted you to want me to be yours. I am sorry for not being perfect and messing up sometimes, I wish I could go back and change it all. But I wish you would be different most of all, because you weren't perfect either. You gave me mixed signals. Sometimes i couldn't even tell if you wanted to be with me anymore, when you ignored my texts I always blamed myself thinking i did something wrong. You weren't there for me as much as you should have been. You didn't care as much as you should have cared. Maybe you did, maybe you have a different way of showing it, maybe you're not good at showing it, but at least acknowledge if you care for me and love me like you said you did. Because actions will always speak louder than words. I fell in love with the guy who always held me like you never wanted to let me go, but not with the man who shut me out, shot me down and didn't want to listen to what I had to say and what I was feeling. I fell in love with the random texts that said “I love you”, not with what you thought couldn't be possible because it was possible. I fell in love with your smile, your hair, your eyes, your body, your voice... I fell in love with your compliments, I fell in love with you staying up with me until my birthday, telling me i was perfect when I was feeling low. That was who you wanted me to think of you, the perfect boy. But you couldn't follow through, something, someone made you lose hope and I wish that wouldn't have happened, because I would've tried, but you didn't try, i wouldn't have given up, like you did. You were a good boyfriend though, because everybody has flaws and things they cant change about themselves, and I accepted that because I wanted to be with you, and because the things i fell in love with that you did, I loved you when you did those things because you did it all so well.
...