Brendan Cleary

1

smoking in Sean's fancy motor
on the way to bury you,
I remind him
you were the worst header
of a ball in the entire universe
always jumping up
your hands by your side
your eyes closed and hopeful

2

in The Whitecliff
so many times
your litany
of the original line-up
of The Eagles first game ever
73 on the allweather pitch
at the back of St Nicholas
& when you mentioned Haitchy
you always paused
no matter how pissed
& said ‘God rest his soul'

3

remember that game Facey
up in Buckna in the mud
14 nil down & I scored
& did a lap of honour
round the whole pitch
‘aye & some auld doll
was trying to trip you up
with her umbrella'
you often added
& proclaimed I was
in your all-time Eagles
starting line-up
...

1

There you go
this morning
with frost
in your parka
down London Road

I'd know your walk
anywhere

But I'm not there
I'm in this dumb room
with your blond hair
& all the beautiful lines
on your very special face

2

In your doorway
I'll stay

the light kisses
I'll place
& there are diamonds
on your eyelids

I'll stay here
in your doorway
& when we kiss
we both look so young

3

Your bathroom is alone
the spotless white bath
your brushes & stuff

I'd stand here often
in my own silence
but your bathroom is alone now
& I don't wait

I don't walk
down to the table and ashtray
just to remind you again
how much you will always move me

4

It's only your voice
& frost on the wires

It's only the touch
of your hair

only the sunlight
through your white blinds

It's only your presence
on all the platforms & rain

in all the aisles
in the glasses & bottles

in the air
in the wayward stars

in all the leaves
in our unhappy faces
...

for Lorna
Every Sunday
I play Nina Simone's
‘My baby just cares for me'
& with a different flower
in your hair every week
you spring out from the bar
& I leave the mixing desk
& we dance with our hangovers,
yes we dance around the bar
& last week we ended up
outside briefly on Lewes Road
in the petrol hazes
& we even waltzed
out to the beer garden
& everybody smiles
when we dance together
to ‘My baby just cares for me'
& for a few precious minutes
it's as if we have all swallowed the moon
& everyone is lighter
& the world might not ever end.
...

for Michaella

hardly surprising
your Dad on the phone
explaining in graphic detail
the intricate laws of physics
when you say you're convinced
if you persevere that is
in the madness & chaos & wind
eventually you'll levitate

that's quite a lot of cushions
to be stacking up
& keep the best China
at the bottom of the other kitchen

keep your balance & concentrate
forget about your Da
think only of lonely angels
think about the dew this morning
or the frost all over the rooves

keep focus! steady girl!
you can do it!
& I'll wait for you somehow

sure look out at those stars winking
I've built a stairway up to them
...

There's something
I've wanted to tell you,
even when we were together,
but I thought it better
I kept it to myself.

Yes, my love,
it's regarding your Lasagne,
it was always too dry
but I didn't want to tell you
or mention it at the time.

Thought I'd put you in the picture
now that you've gone
& are cooking Lasagne
without much liquid
for somebody else.
...