Edwin Drood Poems

The CBI is considering three men to be hired. They bring them in to speak with the interviewer separately. The first man comes in and sits down. The interviewer asks him:
'Do you love your wife? '
'Yes I do, sir.'
'Do you love your country? '
...

Santa went to a psychiatrist. 'Doc, ' he said, 'I`ve got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I get this weird feeling that there`s somebody under it. I get under the bed, to check it out, but then I think there`s somebody on top of it. I go back and forth, all night long, on top, under, on top, under... You gotta help me, Doc, I`m going crazy! '

'Just put yourself in my hands for two years, ' said the shrink. 'Come to me three times a week, and I`ll cure your fears.'
'How much do you charge? '
...

Santa and his wife lives in a small house in Chandigarh. One day Santa`s wife, Jeeto, asks Santa to fix a cupboard door, since one of the hinges was broken.
His reply was 'Do I look like a carpenter? I`m a Photographer, not a carpenter. Get a carpenter to fix the door'.
A few days later, Jeeto asks him to fix a dripping tap.
Again Santa replies 'Do I look like a plumber? I`m a photographer, not a plumber. Get a plumber to fix the tap'.
...

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw Santa and Banta eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
'Why are you eating grass? ' he asked Santa.
'We don`t have any money for food, ' Santa replied.
'Oh, come along with me then, ' instructed the lawyer.
...

One Sunday morning Santa`s son burst into the living room and said, 'Dad, Mom, I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Priya.
After dinner, Santa took him aside, 'Son, I have to talk with you. Your mother and I have been married 30 years. She`s a wonderful wife but she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot. Priya is actually your half-sister, and I`m afraid you can`t marry her.'
Son was heart-broken. After eight months he eventually started dating girls again. A year later he came home and very proudly announced, 'Sonu said yes! We are getting married in June.'
Again Santa insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. 'Sonu is your half-sister too, I am very sorry about this.'
...

Banta and his friend are out in the country shooting rabbits. Suddenly, Banta`s friend falls right in front of him, throws a quick spasm, then lies perfectly still. He doesn`t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. In fact, he looks pretty well dead!
Quick, as a flash, horrified Banta whips out his mobile and calls for emergency. He gasps breathlessly to the operator... My friend just fell to the ground right here in front of me! He`s not breathing. He has no heartbeat! I think he is dead! What can I do? '
Well accustomed to this sort of situation, the emergency operator responds with her most soothing tone... 'Okay Sir, you must try to stay calm. If there`s anything that can be done, we`ll do it. But you will have to keep your cool, then we can take it one step at a time! Okay now?
'Sure! Sure! Of course, you`re right. I`m fine. Just tell me what must I do? '
...

Santa and Banta left the bar after a long night of drinking, jumped in the car and started it up. After a couple of minutes, an old man appeared in the passenger window and tapped lightly. Banta screamed, 'Look at the window. There`s an old ghost`s face here! '
Santa sped up, but the old man`s face stayed in the window. Banta rolled his window down part way and, scared out of his wits, said, 'What do you want? '
The old man softly replied, 'You got any tobacco? '
Banta handed the old man a cigarette and yelled, 'Step on it, ' to Santa, rolling up the window in terror.
...