Harry Graham Poems

That morning, when my wife eloped
With James, our chauffeur, how I moped!
What tragedies in life there are!
I'm dashed if I can start the car.
...

When Grandmamma fell off the boat,
And couldn’t swim, and wouldn’t float,
Maria just sat by and smiled -
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'There's been an accident!' they said,
'Your servant's cut in half; he's dead.'
'Indeed!' said Mr Jones, 'and please
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Weep not for little Leonie,
Abducted by a French Marquis!
Though loss of honour was a wrench,
Just think how it's improved her French.
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Unscrupulous pigmongers will
Attempt to wheedle and to coax
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To these few words, it seems to me,
A wealth of sound instruction clings;
O Learn to Take things easily --
Espeshly Other People's Things;
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When Baby's cries grew hard to bear
I popped him in the Frigidaire.
I never would have done so if
I'd known that he'd be frozen stiff.
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I never understood, I own,
What anybody (with a soul)
Could mean by offering a Stone
This needless warning not to Roll;
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Uncle, whose inventive brains
kept evolving aeroplanes,
fell from an enormous height
upon my garden lawn last night.
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Though many men have made their mark
By rising daily with the lark,
'Tis not a plan I recommend ;
The practice no one can defend.
...