Hiram Abif Hiram Abif

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Turned My Head

There’s this girl who’s turned my head
She doesn’t want to share my bed
But she’s really got me thinking

I’ve been unhappy for many years
Sometimes the pain has brought me to tears
But I’ve stuck it out for the sake of my kids.
Or did I?

A lot invested, a lot to loose
They’re just things, I know…
And I turned to booze
But that really didn’t help anything

To make such a decision is really hard
Who gets the house, who takes which car?
Either way I lose. Or do I?

Trapped I am with no one to blame
Except myself.

Is it really the kids or my own fears
That keeps me here but keeps me in tears
My heart torn apart, my health affected
Here in my own bed I’m rejected
And she wants me neither but what is different?

In her is potential, in her is passion
I felt it once briefly and still sense it in a certain fashion
Wildly different from the wife I know

She’s too young she’s too pretty,
Would be impossible to tame
And she doesn’t want to take anyone else’s name
A great friend, a confidante
Who cares about me a lot but not in the way I want

I’m almost a virgin if you consider my life
20 plus years with a celibate wife
To whom sex, passion and affection
Are a burden.

This young one drops hints?
But I’m usually wrong…
Beautiful and sweet she was on that night
Was that a good sign? What did I miss?
Smell my perfume…just don’t give me that kiss

So lost I am between two lives
Do I risk it all or stay with my wife?
On a girl I know well but wants me not
We won’t be lovers, but she brings life
To my world where my soul died years ago

And as my thoughts bounce back and fro
Between what I desire and what I know
When I talk with her she makes me glad
To have a friend such as she

When I see her my heart lights up inside
When I’m at home my heart again dies
So we text and talk and I have to hide
A few friends know and they take my side
And while I hope she’ll love me I doubt she will
So I stay at home, frozen, awaiting the time till
I make up my mind and make my move

There’s a risk, I know that I won’t succeed
That I’ll give up my life, give up my deed
To the land and the house that I built with my hands
But if I’m a man…
I’ll make that step and take the leap
And hopefully I will land on my feet
And though she probably won’t love me maybe others will
I just have to decide if I can afford the bill
To forge a new life while still supporting them
If she’s not a lover she’ll still be my friend

Whether that’s enough I really don’t know
But there’s no possibility if I don’t go
She says it’s wrong to take a man from his wife
Of course I doubt she’s talking about my life
But take a chance I know I must
And in fate and God I’ll put my trust
I’ll take the leap and hope for the best
I know my resolve will be put to the test
I’ve spoken to one son the other one soon
I hope they’ll still love me and still make room
For me in their lives as they develop and grow
To seek that love, the one I need
On my own I’ll finally be freed
To be the man I’m supposed to be
And that I won’t just survive, I’ll flourish.

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