jay drew

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My Poem
Oh please god just let me die,
I need no questions or asking why,
Life is too hard ive struggled so long,
Nothing more to give, given up being strong.
No direction no real purpose
Any happiness there was has failed to surface
There is no hope no silver lining
No beautiful rainbow, no sun thats shining
Clouds that are above are just clouds
They seem to enclose me like permanent shrouds.
What more can I do to change my life,
Be a better Mum, a better wife,
I tried so hard to be those things
Gave up my life for kids and rings
I achieved nothing after all that time
You ended up in trouble, commiting crime
Did I not love you enough? , im not sure I could
I was too young myself, I just misunderstood
I wish all things were different that we could go back in time
I would know what to do chapter verse and rhyme.
This is just to say sorry im so sorry you got caught
Between me and your Dad and all the times we fought
You were always so sensitive you needed your Dad
You loved him so much and he made me so mad
Not bothering with you, not spending time
I thought I could be enough, you were all mine
Its how I felt, thought I could be enough
But not for you, I know it was tough
I really wish your Dad had not been so cross
All the time at me, as you took all the loss
I tried so hard to make him care,
He had you 8 hours thats all he could spare
Oh sweetheart Im sorry please accept that i tried
I cant count all the times we all sat down and cried
I know my best was not good enough,
and I understand now im older I wasn't up to snuff
I accept all responsibility for where you are now
I want to swap places I just don't know how.
I want so much to spare you any more pain,
The past few years ive been the one to blame
I love you so much please dont ever doubt
Your smile I could never go without
I cant really live with what ive done
Hurting people, ive hurt my son
All you kids were the most important thing
You made my heart smile, you made it sing
Im sorry my children but i have to leave
Cant cope with life, cant even breathe
Im tired of living, tired of making mistakes
Just remember it was always my life to take
This was the hardest thing ever to do
I close my eyes and am thinking of you.
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