Have you heard the news?
Stalin's singing the blues
And Hitler is wearing his blue suede shoes.
...
Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring,
Can You fix my electric wiring?
Can You mend my old T.V.
And will You do it all for free?
...
It was a boring Saturday afternoon when my father died,
I'd been listening to Buddy Holly on the radio and wasting my time,
Mucking about with a stanza or two and looking for a rhyme,
It was a boring Saturday afternoon the day my father died.
...
A man of beauty is a boy forever,
His loveliness increases - he will never
Betray you for some tart in a bar
Or drive away in a rich girl's car!
...
Beheading cartoonists? Give me a break!
Remember when witches were burnt at the stake?
In primitive ages when ignorance ruled
The Popes and the Prophets had everyone fooled!
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Nobody loves me,
Nobody cares,
Nobody counts
My pubic hairs.
...
Whatever you may think
(However bad you feel)
Your cutting down on the drink
Is really quite a big deal.
...
You do not understand the shame
Attached to such a simple crime -
I always get the total blame
For what I've done, time after time.
...
A million housewives every day
Pick up a tin of beans and say
'Are you taking the piss?
There must be something better than this!
...
When I'm feeling lost and bored
I contemplate Our Holy Lord
Who rose from the dead on Easter Day
Much to the Devil's deep dismay!
...