I often feel unimportant, alone and apathetic. Some days I doubt the voices that say this and fight them, knowing they are just beliefs. Other days I can not bear it, for I don’t know how to defeat them or live with them. During the worst days the only comfort I get is knowing I don’t have to continue surviving forever. But always, if stop for too long, I have this deep feeling something is very wrong. I often feel I have to put a mask on, a front, a smile. But deep down I am in pain and it is hiding the pain that makes me feel so very isolated.
In poems I found I could express my feelings and untangle my thoughts, in a way that I also found some beauty and comfort in.
I think of you with a heavy heart
Confused why it has ended like this
Why it has so torn me apart
To destroy someone without a second thought
...
When I say I'm OK when my heart disagrees
Each time my smile hides the hurt
Or when my wants I do not assert
...
I know why caged birds still sing
Even without the feel of the wind
Trapped within a home of solid bars
Without view of sky, sun or stars
...
Sun setting in the sky
Is the day's way of saying goodbye
As the moon grows bright
It is welcoming in the night
...
Your story is your own to write
Each moment adding to the plot
You can control your character
But so many other things you can not
...