Lily Jacobsen Poems

My momma always told me not to play with fire because fire will burn you, and leave ugly burns on your body. And no man would ever want to touch a girl with ugly burns and scars all over her body.
I'm like a lost child wandering around in the dark.
Slowly feeling my way through the dark following the heat of your body and your voice.
Even though my head screams at me to turn, run away or I'll get hurt, my heart tells me to stay.
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I got his attention but now that I've got it I'm scared of what he will see. When he looks at me he doesn't look through me, like all the others do. I'm confused my feelings for him are hot to the touch like fire is but then cold like ice the next minute. I get jealous when he flashes that smile at other people other than me, but when he flashes me that smile I completely and utterly melt, like ice cream does in the summer.
"You love him don't you", my best friend teased me.
"Hell no", I respond
But in reality I don't know how I feel.
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Everyone follows the rules of society like sheep follow the shepherd to the butcher.
For girls that's to flirt but never lead boys on, look like someone else but don't be fake, sleep around but don't be a hoe. Girls are better seen and not heard. Girls are supposed to take beating after beating from society without saying anything. Girls are not supposed to have a witty mind and a tongue like a knife. They are supposed to be soft to the touch and have no tongue at all.
For boys that is to act tough and never show emotions. To protect, get the job done and onto the next one. Boys are considered a man as soon as he sleeps with a girl or he degrades one. Boys are supposed to be strong but as soon as they show any type of emotion other than anger and self-centeredness are called weak. Boys are supposed to be strong like a pack of wolves and have a tongue like a serpent.
But what about the boys and girls who aren't like this?
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I don't know what it's like to be addicted to meth but I'm witness to how it kills. It will come like a demon in the night. Ripping and tearing families apart. But it's not the addict's fault, right?
Of course not it never is because they're sick and they don't know what they're doing is wrong.
They don't care about anything but getting the next high.
They could care less about their family, if they do then why do they do the drugs in the first place
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I know a woman who is breaking, breaking from the inside out. This woman has two children, a young woman, and a little boy. She cares for these kids but she never has time for them. Instead of spending time with them she is out buying and doing drugs. She missed a very important day of the young woman's life. She missed her graduation from an academy. The little boy is always confused about why his mommy is so distant, why she acts like she doesn't care, why she's warm one minute and the next she's cold. The little boy was in a home that barely had food and only had the heat on in one room. The young woman had enough one day and spoke up about it and the mother wasn't happy about it so she hit the girl. With the girl on the ground, she said ‘You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that" All the little boy wants is for his mommy not to be sick anymore. All the young woman wants is for her mother to come back. The mother that cared for them, the mother who took care of them.

That young woman is me and the mother is my mother...
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My heart is on fire burning with a desire and need to see people smile. I have never been so affected by one person's smile. Everyone's smile has always made me smile when I see it but not when I think of it. Unlike his. All I do is think of him and I burst out into a goofy childish smile. I'm like a little girl who got the puppy she wanted. I giggle like a child around him. I don't care what people think. All I care about is seeing that boy smile.
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I see your face in my dreams. Are they nightmares or sweet dreams? Calling my name softly is like honey rolling off your tongue. I look at you and my body starts to tremble. With fear or anticipation? I hear this kind of feeling is only for older people and that it only comes once in a lifetime. But when I look at you I can't help feeling that I've seen you before. In this life or another.
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