Neil Rollinson

Time before and time after
T.S. Eliot
It was a day like any other
when they came for us.
This was the world we knew,
except the light was different:
the sky, the leaves, the distant sea.
We held hands as we walked,
and they walked behind us,
smoking cigarettes, talking
in hushed tones, embarrassed.
Only the colours troubled me,
the dandelions, how bright they were.
I hadn't noticed that before.
The world will carry on, you said,
but I wasn't sure. I had an intuition
that once I was gone
it was the end for everyone.
You gripped my hand as we came
to the wall. You were the one
true constant in everything.
The stone was warm, we could feel
the heat against our backs.
There was a scent of marjoram.
The sea was blue, and a single ferry
sailed out of the harbour.
...

In the dark ages they took their time.
They knew about pain
and butchered you slowly, whistling
as they went. It was God's work.

The first few minutes were awesome.
I didn't know I could scream like that,
but nothing lasts forever,
soon the adrenalin kicks in and you're high

as a kite. The flesh comes off
like bark from a tree, the soul rises,
and the body breathes.

The Romans were worst: they'd let you live,
but slaughter your wife and child.
You can only suffer while the breath
runs through you, any torturer knows that.
...

I opened my mouth to breathe,
like I do in dreams,
and the water flowed into me.
I sank like a stone.
At first I thought it was pain
but it was just
the beginning of bliss.
I could feel the buds in my throat
palpitate: the atavistic gills.
I saw the sand eel and tuna,
the plankton lifting in veils.
I breathed so deep I could taste
the salt and seaweed.
And I saw as I fell, the dark
hull of the ship above me,
its cold shadow. Things glittered
in the gloom like stars in the sky.
I saw dolphins, blue and green.
I was laid in the sand and the fish
came in thousands to pick me clean.
I loved the nights there,
the ultramarine, the moonlight,
the ghostly glow of the jelly fish
shifting like cloud above me.
...