Phil Ward Poems

It's a Sunday morning bright and fair
and Christians wander off to mass,
Lining pews all singing where
sunbeams pierce stained window glass.
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Its ruddy freezing in February our road outside is a sheet of ice,
We live at the bottom of a long steep hill, that’s significant and normally nice,
But there’s a car in our front garden it happens about once a year,
I said to the wife have you seen the Mercedes?
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Tap tap, tapping,
The persistent tapping of rain on my window ledge,
Or was it the door?
Was it rain drops or the man next door?
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There's a lady I know loves Chablis,
"It just slips down" she says, very happily,
By the fifth glass,
She's flat on her back,
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When I was a baby I couldn't talk,
Give a few months and I managed a squawk
I learnt the few words you taught me to say,
You encouraged my learning every day,
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If I eat my carrots can I see in the dark?
If I finish my spinach can I wrestle a shark?
If I eat all my crusts will my hair grow curly?
If I don't eat sweets will my teeth stay pearly?
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I don’t have to tell you what happened next,
I walked into an ambush it wasn’t my fault,
Strolling the prom with a big bag of chips,
That’s when it commenced ‘The Seagull Assault’.
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Ronald was flying on cloud nine,
He had the winning bid,
He always wanted a Burberry Mac,
Ever since he was a kid.
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Two trees were talking in a wood,
Don't say it! You're thinking if they could?
Concerned about their acorns and,
The blessed squirrel's sneaky hand,
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My Mother told me when I was ten,
I'd be mature at twelve and then,
Hair would leap out of my chin,
From little pores within my skin,
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