25) Doubts... Poem by Emma Isdal

I don`t think you really feel that way about him
she said, flicking her cigarette out the window.
What do you mean?
I asked staring out into the night.
I think your feeling all these feelings
just because you want to.
You want it all to be something
you know its not. I don`t think that those feelings are real.
Silence.
I turn my head towards her and whisper
Youre wrong.
She looks at me.
Really? I am? How can you be so sure?
I turn to look at her. I can bearly speak.
Cause he is still all I think about. Even now,
after all the thinking, the discussions, the time...
he is still the last thing on my mind before I go to sleep,
and the first thing I think about when I wake up.
And when I dream, its all about him, about us,
about what could have been, or could be.
Or, you know. Just anything. And it all makes me feel like an idiot sometimes... What do I know?
She looks at me. Gives me a hug.says
I wish I knew what that was like.

Im thinking
Sometimes, mostly, its the best thing in the world.
But then sometimes, its not.