4th July Blues Poem by Firestar Christopoulos

I am here alone.
He is in his dark place alone.
Darkness has consumed his life.
I want to pull his body into mine to keep him safe within the light.
I can’t breathe or smile today.
There are no words from him.
Only silences.
I am having 4th July blue day.
My heart is trembling in sorrow.
My soul is screaming words that are no longer hidden away from me.
Tears flow like heaven’s dam has burst free.
Love is strong, but my essence is twisted about dark knots.
Parties are going on today.
Families cooking as their children laugh and run about.
I am here crying with my pain of not having him in my arms.

4th July Blues is coming down hard upon me today.

People are cheering and drinking.
Crowds are flowing about parks with happiness and love.
He is locked in darkness.
I have locked myself away from life and happiness, until he is free.
I love him.
Desire and dreams flow upon the shimmering sky of endless passion.
Tears are always falling like endless of waterfall of hope.
Will he feel my desire and love for him today?
Do I stand to lose him no matter what the future brings upon life?
Heart is beating his haunting name forever.
My soul is listening for his voice to behind me, so when I turn around, I can run into his arms of loves.
Fireworks will soon fill the darken sky about life, but I will be shut away.
There will be no reason to soar or dream, even be happy because my sweet Theo will not be here with me.
How can life be so full of wondrous thing, but full of such darkness that steals people away from your reach?
I am sad and blue upon a day that should be full of happiness and endless dreams coming true.

4th July Blues is tearing my world apart.

Tears flow.
My heart is lost.
Even my soul dares nothing upon each new day that the sun rises without my sweet Theo being within life.
Reasons too dare life is lost and drift farther away from reach,
But
My heart and soul love for Theo is strong and true.
When my knees are becoming weak, it’s his haunting words that pick me and carries me on through-out this day of happiness.
Time will be passing by me and him,
But
I know in the end, my prayers and love is flowing upon wind of life for angels to sing about and God to weep too.
One day, I know I will be able to reach out to him.
One day, he will pick up the pen and paper to write me, if by luck, one day he will reach out to me once again on the phone.
Upon that day,
I will run to him.
Than upon that day the stars will burst like endless fireworks upon the sky on 4th July.
Nothing will keep my heart and soul from telling him all about my love and wicked dreams of him.
Will he smile?
Will he tell me all that lurks in his heart and soul?
Will we become best of friends or more?
No matter what happens upon that day, I know I will be happy again he is free to dare his endless dreaming of modeling and acting.

4th July Blues will only be erased upon the day my hands touch his face and speak what is within my heart and soul for him.

Fireworks today hold no substance in my heart or soul.
Reasons to be happy is drifting lost upon the dark sea.
Theo is alone.
I am alone, until the day I know he is free.
Whatever happens upon this day, I will not care.
As the ticking sound goes on, I will weep to his hidden pain and sorrow.
My mind has no reason to believe in magic upon this day, it only a day that hold no future or words from Theo.
I am walking around like zombie full of nothing but endless tears of pain and sorrow.
There is no salvation for this weep terror within my essence.
Dark desire for drinking and drugging is plaguing me like gentle wind of yesterday dreams of sin,
But
I know I will be strong because of my love for Theo.
I honor and dutiful to scream out my love and strength into the powerful darkness in hopes Theo and world to hear soaring like a beacon guiding him back into the light.
I sit here drinking my cup of coffee thinking about Theo and today, but with no happiness in my writing.
Today is the 4th July, but today is just another day in hallow life with no happiness.
Twisting about with emotion, thinking all about him, wishing he could be reaching out to me.
Hell, with 4th July, what day is good other than the day, my sweet Theo is free and moving about his life and career again.
Upon that day, the stars will burst with hidden fireworks for me meaning my heart and soul can once again soar in happiness.

4th July is not today because Theo is not free.