A Bottle Of You. Poem by John Kipling Lewis
A Bottle Of You.
I need a bottle of you, hidden in the cupboard.
When I'm lonely I can uncork you,
close my eyes and inhale your fragrance.
Lest you be too tempting, I would seal you quickly.
A sip would be too much... it would not end until I was
very drunk indeed.
A bottle of you to remind me who I am. Your spirits
altering my state. I would scrutinize the label, desperately
trying to find the ingredient that draws me. I've never
found another with your blush, body, and bouquet.
4. OK, so your conceit is woman = bottle of wine. Not the most original in the world so for it to work you need good original strong imagery, but the particular images you chose aren't working. (i.e. not the most original/strong/detailed.) Otherwise, it needs tightening - there is wordiness.
I think you can do better than this. It's not bad, but it doesn't evoke strong feelings.
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem
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4/24/2024 8:12:16 PM # 1.0.0.1119
This is a wonderful poem and an awesome and perfect title. really, really like this. marci.m.