A Collection Of Uncollected Self-Analytical Thought Poem by Piscine Kipling

You know, its been a pretty strange year
With the passage of time, I've become different
Something stranger, warping into another person
Perfectly uncontent at times, arrogant at others
While sinking into manic depression, and others
May ask, how do you get through thinking this way
Ah nothing solidifies me more in life then this,
To project my dreams and ambitions and create
A fantasy world for myself, and to think greatly
Of myself, as something different, and much better
But then, I fear for the worst, when dreams come
Into fruitation or bust and that fills me with fear
And I seek out knowledge, thinking of the world around
To avoid what's inside, Understanding people but no
I will avoid them, I'm much too unsociable, and
Alienating to others, Seems perfectly strange
But to me, I seem sane, Huh, what a catch I think
To myself, You and beauty decaying, mind warping into
A perverse worldview filled with qualities not
Of expectations, it conflicts with my fantasies
Situations arising, I try to disconnect from it
Tested by the merits of everyday life, and problems
That are inevitable to all, but retreat seems to me
Like the only path to take, I can't muster myself
This laziness, and timid avoidance is what brings me
Down, and fills me with fear of how I will get to
Where I want to be, I'm not sure if I'll make it then
When I'm thinking this way, Spaced out and become
Avoiding, seeking knowledge is the only real answer
But I once again continue to fool myself, and
Throwing my weight upon a single effort and
Concentrated my will, I become too intently drawn in
That when the vestigial instinct of competition
Has me at drawing ends, then I again lose all hopes
And desires, instead to give up and concede my loss
While finding something new...