A Sexual Anniversary. Poem by Wishing For Perfection

Its hard to believe a year has gone by.
The memory is so fresh in my mind.
Every detail, every thought, every feeling.
It still feels oh so real.

It seems like just yesterday
you had me in your arms.

It seems like just yesterday
we were leaning up agains your car.
Hands intwined in eachothers hair.
Bodys pressed so close
it seemed we were not two, but one.

I still remember those songs you played.
Serenading me with your guitar.
Making that playlist for us to kiss to.
Trying to make sure i was comfortable.

It seemed so sureal, someone like you.
falling for someone like me.
never in my mind would i have believed it
if i werent there to expirience it myself.

you made me forget my problems.
texted me in class, just to see if
you could still make me smile.

you always did.

It seems like just yesterday
when you brought me to your car.
Teasing me how i tasted like chlorine.
But at the same time telling me how
much you liked it.

I remember the song that was playing.
I remember the way our lips intertwined.
I remember everything.
I still feel it too.

I remember telling you no.
I remember you saying okay.

I thought that was the end of it.

We kept kissing.

You kept trying.

I still remember.

I said no again, i pulled your hand away.
i didnt want that, not yet anyways.

you just didnt understand.
you kept trying.
when you couldnt get in there.
you squeezed my chest harder.

you told me you werent upset.
but anygirl could tell you were
just by the way you touched.

it wasnt suppose to hurt.
i have never seen you so aggressive before.
im sorry i wasnt ready.
im sorry i wasnt your age
im sorry i wasnt as mature as you expected.
im sorry.

Everyday, i think about that day.
I feel so violated.
It makes me so weak.

You never actually stuck it in me
You never actually took it away.

So why is it, that i still feel like
you took something away.

i left before it got too far,
and too out of control.

i know your intentions were for
sex.
i didnt want that.

you were the farthest i ever
went with a guy at the time.

and i didnt even want it to
go that far.

it was so close, yet so far away.
i shouldnt feel used or broken.

not anymore.
but i still do.

i wish i didnt.
but i do.

so what exactly do i call it.
what exactly has it been a year for.

just something gone out of hand?

i know its not rape.
i know it was not what i wanted
i know i said no.

so what do you call it
when he never sticks it in you
but you still say no
and he still goes.

does anybody really know?