Alice In Strange Wonderland - Poem by Paul Allsopp
What a strange wonderland you live in dear Alice.
What a wonderful place you call home.
You share all your space with a Pumkin & Ogre.
And yet I see nought of a Gnome?
Surely you should have a Gnome making tea dear.
It's only right I'd have to say.
A Gnome making tea is like scones on a Sunday,
And sunny bank holidays in May.
So what does the Ogre do here then Alice?
Does it scare away all of the birds?
Do you have to keep it chained up in the garden?
Or let it run wild with the herds?
I suppose it just grunts and mumbles and belches.
I've found that they tend to do that.
I've never once seen one doing the dishes.
Though I once saw one wearing a hat.
Very civil I thought to myself.
An Ogre wearing a hat.
So anyway dear, what's with the Pumpkin?
Do tell me all about that.
Does the Pumpkin really belong in your world now?
Won't Cinders miss it a bit?
If she has to walk into town in the morning,
You know you'll be right in the sh...
Well I suppose I'd better get back,
I've a whole world of things still to do.
Come and give granny a kiss on the cheek dear,
Come closer so I can see you.
My memory fades so often these days dear.
I never know what I'm to do.
Do you think I should eat you with these sharpened teeth dear,
Or is the poisoned apple for you?
Oh, I'll go home and look in my book,
I'm not quite the witch that I was.
Maybe I'll call and ask my friend Derek,
You know, he was the Wizard of Oz.
Oh, Alice, you are such a wonderful girl dear,
You have such a beautiful heart.
Nothing like I was when I was your age dear,
For I was a filthy old tart.
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